I hope that was not confusing for you. You thought it was you right?
When I came here the ultimate realization I had was ‘’I am lost’’. When I grew up I found that everyone was trying to find something or another. Many lost travelers became my friends. We shared our love for travelling through celebration. Then I became old and wise and found that this place is actually an echo land
Whatever I make of this place it will give me back like an echo.
I tried to use this place, knelt down and sowed some seeds so I can have myself a tree and later a tree house. But, like the wearing away of soil, I was taken somewhere else and then some more. This place didn’t let me enjoy the fruit of seeds I sowed. I was dragged, squeezed and pushed like inside of a whirlpool.
‘’Maybe I am being taken somewhere, maybe I was never lost’’. I tell myself stories. But, I kept on going. Where? No idea. This lack of knowledge became my enemy, my demon. It lived inside me. Sometimes it trickled down my throat, my spine and sometimes from my eyes. It stayed like a black smoke around me. Questioning my beliefs, engraving my mind and then erasing everything like erosion. I am decaying.
Circle is a holy shape. I always felt it is sacred. Echo is also a circle. It goes and come back to the same point. So does this journey, it brought me back to where I started. Am i trapped inside a maze? As a child I used to feel trap inside the house when I am not allowed to go out and play. I thought when I will grow up I could do all the things I want to do. But even after doing all those things I felt like I need more to do; more to have, more to explore. Am I the only traveler that felt this way?
My father said to me one day: ‘’be like water: morph yourself with time, flow with the circumstance and never lose your nature’’. I asked him: ‘’will i be free then?’’. And with big startled eyes he said: ‘’we don’t say such things’’. I was surprised. Why not? Is freedom a myth? Am I free? What does it feel like to be free? I kept on coming back to these questions in echo land.
Sometimes when I get tired of walking I sit down under a tree and close my eyes and then I walk some more inside the dense forest of my thoughts. There I see numerous possibilities of destination. I can go anywhere I want. But I always have to come back to myself, to that very point of my journey in this land. Maybe inside my head I am free but outside I am fixated. Fixated on the idea of finding what is not mine and having what cannot help me with my suffering. ‘’What can liberate me father?’’, one day I asked. ‘’explore and come back to yourself, until exploration dies and where you come back remains’’ he replied.
I am a traveler on a journey to freedom among nowhere.